SWINGING 101 There have probably been a thousand articles written about "swingers," or couples who indulge in recreational sexual activities with other couples or with single individuals in a social setting. But since this movement is continually morphing and permeating new social realms, I like to keep abreast of the current trends. For example, the term "swing" has gradually been replaced by the term "lifestyles" and "swingers" has been replaced by "play couples." Since I attended my first "swing" club years ago, I will revert to the old terminology in this article. If you have been considering a venture into this world, there are things you should consider in order to make your experience as pleasurable as possible. There are many reasons why couples swing, but a solid, trusting relationship is a must. For all you jealous types, swinging is not for you, and if you are on shaky grounds with your partner, do not even think about putting yourself into a position where any insecurities could breed feelings of jealousy. However, if you are in a satisfying and healthy relationship, swinging can be a sexually expansive adventure, allowing you to share any voyeuristic fantasies and thrilling experiences you wouldn't normally have. When my partner approached me about swinging, he was curious about my own fantasies and made it a point to discover what I would be comfortable doing. This is extremely important if you and your partner have decided to try swinging. Knowing each other's boundaries will help you figure out what type of swinging to indulge in. For instance, as was the case in my experience, simply watching a group of sexually affirmative swingers can spark excitement, after which you and your partner might decide to go home and play by yourselves. Or you might decide that you are comfortable with kissing and fondling new partners but to share intercourse only with each other, a behavior known as a "soft swing." Some decide that a "full swing," a full-fledged exchange of partners in each other's presence, is acceptable, while others are happy to enjoy a "closed swing," which allows both partners to swap and play separately. Safety is a critical issue when you are inviting new partners into the mix. Many couples stick to "soft swinging" in order to reduce the risks. You and your partner must come up with your own rules, whether it involves screening and testing new partners, which might take the thrill out of it, or simply employing the use of condoms. Your next step will be to find the right venue for your swinging experience. In America today, there are plenty of ways to scope out opportunities for swinging. Clubs, private parties and most conveniently the Internet provide an abundant array of choices for you and your partner. You can find out where and when by visiting such sites as The North American Swing Club Association and, if you're looking for more anonymity, Play Couples, which announce different swinging conventions throughout the country. Once you've established the ground rules, it's time to make sure you're up to the challenge. It's one thing to fantasize about sharing your partner with a stranger; it's another to actually do it. You may not react the way you thought you would. For your first jaunt into the world of swingers, make an agreement with you partner to restrict yourselves to looking. It's wonderful to get turned on and jump on each other, but you should first gauge your responses to watching and being watched. Take things slowly, and your first real swing will be all the more comfortable. Always remember to discuss all your experiences with your partner. You want these adventures to heighten your sense of connection, and to do so you have to keep a constant tab on each other's feelings and reactions. Swinging can open your relationship to a level of intimacy you never thought possible. So, if you're ready, get out there and start feeling it. Bon voyage! |
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