Never underestimate your self worth

THEN AND NOW
Never Underestimate
Your Self Worth

By Neli Lalanne

I knew I was over my ex when the thought of him sleeping with another woman was immediately followed by me wondering at what time Boston Legal came on. I didn’t believe I had completed the recovery process at first, staying true to my masochistic self, I pictured an image which always highly disturbed me, him spending quality time with another female, but as a result I smiled, somehow I was now remembering the last episode of Seinfeld.

Amazing. The feeling you get when you realize it was about time, the rush you feel when you inadvertently run into him, look into his eyes and feel nothing.

Really the level a girl will sink to when she forgets her worth make the deepest abyss look shallow. Not too long ago I suffered from temporary amnesia, forgot (misread) my tag price and depreciated my value to level with men whom only should have gotten to know me in their Utopia. I miscalculated, minimized my assets and overestimated their resources. So I stepped down and elevated them 2 steps above, falsely assuming that I was the privileged one, feeling happy when they dedicated some time to me, graciously putting them on a pedestal, (a word some of them would have issues spelling mind you). I had it back wards, thinking I had won a prize when all along it was the other way around.

So to those who crossed my path for a minute and feel qualified to cast judgments on my persona, and to those who dated me and think they have me figured out, in case you’ve missed the memo, allow me to share some inherent facts:

- I carry the rhythm of an island in my hips and if I walk with a tempo swinging from left to right that’s because with each step I keep up the beat of a nation.

- If you’d expect me to be bare foot with voodoo drums strapped around my back, black magic dolls in one hand, sand in my hair and dripping water because of what you assume is a long swim from Haiti. I am afraid I have to disappoint you.

- No I am not flattered when you say I don’t look Haitian, and ‘pretty for a dark-skinned girl’ does not constitute a compliment in my book, so you can wipe this moronic smile off your face and abandon all hopes of ever sleeping with me.

- You see as a capitalist I understand that time is money, and spending precious moments breaking down your stereotypes and proving myself to you, is a financial waste.

- If you believe that buying me dinner is a binding contract ensuring that you will get at least to second base, think again. I am not looking for a meaningless fling, if that’s what you have in mind I suggest you go on a cruise or wait for spring break.

- Yesterday I wanted to make certain people want me.

- Yesterday I looked for balance in certain relationships.

- Yesterday I looked in the mirror and wondered “why doesn’t he want me?” Well that was then this is now.

- Today I put myself first.

- Today I am not looking for a relationship to validate me.

- Today I took off my myopic bifocals and when looking in the mirror I see what some couldn’t.

I’m still not sure why I dwelled in self afflicted trauma for so long but while I figure it out, I’ll keep on walking en cadence with my heals clicking pulsing notes, creating sounds of the Caribbean which will echo behind me as I move by.