It’s the double chin at 23 and the stretch marks that creep up to your stomach. The acne expensive creams can’t cure or the incriminating fat that giggles when you wave.  It’s the myriad of physical imperfections that we all carry around daily that makes life a bit more unfair.  Mirrors become mocking reflective devices only capable of exposing our flaws to our incredulous eyes; so we make it a habit not to glance at them too often or for too long. The thought of breaking them did cross our mind, but the intangible threat of enduring 7 years of bad luck for shattering glass prevents us from doing so. After all we already have to deal with a slightly cleft lip (Mother Nature’s idea of a good joke) so why try to test the accuracy of myths.  No. We will just direct our ineffective imprecations to the heavens; curse our less than perfect genetic coding and try to deal with our physical shortcomings to the best of our abilities.

Assuming we are average struggling middle-class individuals, our bank account is probably limited; hence plastic surgery or long pricey trips to the Sahara in search of buried treasure, become non options. While we are waiting for that phone call from the Make-Over TV show, we: load up on name-brand body creams from Walgreens (those stretch marks aren’t going to fix themselves), wear heavy turtle necks (the double chin came with a complementary protruding belly) or sleep with whitening trays in our mouth.  Somewhere along the way we figured, we hoped that if we can just conceal our imperfections than perhaps by the same token we would camouflage those petty nagging flaws that breed nasty insecurities which linger deep within ourselves.

But how do you cope when your insecurities do not stem from a lack of physical self appreciation? I’ll take myself as an example.  I’ve never felt unattractive or undesired. My features are symmetrical and aside from the occasional dark circles under my eyes when I don’t take it easy, very little bothers me about my appearance.  I never had to learn how to be confident and at times I would even be vaguely annoyed by those who exhibit a lack of self esteem. So how come I too have to battle pesky insecurities when nothing on the outside would indicate that strange issues are lurking underneath?  Why do those who seem to have it together still find themselves stuck between a rock of self-doubt and a place of vulnerability?

In my case, without going to a shrink and laying on a plush sofa, I realized the root of my inner torments.  I have dependency issues, which is highly ironic because I tend to come off as wildly independent and unpredictable.  This inner dichotomy within my character is puzzling to say the least.  I get attached too quickly to men. I look for an increase of happiness in short term relationships and when I conclude that the liaison I am in is barren, that the person I am with is a mirage, I bolt mentally. I do my very best to disengage my feelings from what appears to be another mistake and I run, and I ache and I hurt; Most of the time I move. My insecurity: waking up 10 years from today and realizing that I am alone and average.  I fear that I would have wasted my potential, that I would have accumulated a host of experiences, small successes, and tragic failures but still at the end of it all find myself alone and average.  

As I figure things out, while I build defense mechanisms on top of emotional shields, I keep on smiling and upkeep a well polished, put together, façade to the outside world.  The twisted way I manage my insecurities is by pretending and blindly hoping that my unwanted lonely fate doesn’t materialize.  I don’t reckon it’s the best way to deal, but surprisingly enough many of us out there have developed and perfected sordid ways of coping, of cohabitating with our insecurities, the very things that more often then not seem to influence our lives an unhealthy amount.  So how do we go about preventing our self confidence from subsiding to crippling self-doubt?

Perhaps if I had a degree in psychology or had read many self-help books I could conjure up a vaguely clinical and quasi profound explanation in an attempt to shed some light on this puzzle.  However my degree is in business and I tend to read fiction novels.  Nevertheless I do reckon that at the end of the day what we need to defeat our demons is faith in ourselves. So perhaps we should start looking for strength within.