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THE SAG AWARDS
Offensive Or Ghetto
Fabulous Fashion Statement?

Say it ain’t so! Is there really a movement underway … at the city and perhaps even state level no less … to ban the exposure of underwear that has become such a ghetto-fabulous fashion statement in the U.S.? Could Georgia, Louisiana, Virginia, and New York, for the love of 50 Cent, really have passed a law prohibiting this look?

The fashion of letting your jeans hang low enough to reveal your boxers, briefs, thongs, or other undergarment, is known as “sagging” (a related offence, I suppose, would be the other fashion statement of showing the curve of your thong, a.k.a “whale tail,” above your jeans). Apparently, sagging has become so offensive that laws must be passed to curb the trend.

When you think about it, it’s completely absurd, ranking up there with “freedom fries” and banning the word “nigger” on the don’t-you-have-better-things-to-do scale. At worst, the whole panty/thong/boxer above the jeans thing is distasteful. But setting aside definitions of good taste, what’s the premise behind the law? If it’s considered public indecency, any lady wearing a tube top, dress or wrap that shows a bra strap could conceivably be accused of a similar transgression. And it’s not like the people who like to show off their Victoria Secrets and Joe Boxers are walking around naked. It’s quite the opposite: they’re being penalized for revealing a piece of clothing!

Setting aside the race issue (a potentially explosive undercurrent in this matter; it’s no shocker that this style is popular predominantly with young, urban black Americans and the rap and hip-hop culture), when was the last time the government set down fashion rules? It seems like such an antiquated thing to do.

Setting aside the embarrassment this will cause law enforcement officials, exactly how will this law be enforced? Will women showing off their thongs be fined? Arrested? Forced into a corset?

Setting aside the levity of this situation, is this really our most pressing priority, even at the most micro level? The economy is in serious trouble, and the U.S. is teetering on the verge of a recession; we are still at war; we are facing the most important election of this new millennium; the mutterings about global warning are gradually turning into shrieks. In the midst of this combustible and insecure environment, where is our focus? On panty lines rising above jeans and shorts? You can pick an issue—any issue—facing America today, and it will have more weight than sagging jeans and exposed briefs.

With apologies to the Screen Actors Guild, I think we need to start a new version of the Sag Awards. Let’s fight this tyranny by annually hosting a ceremony that honors and rewards the best saggers out there. Or we can gather an army of eager volunteers from around the world and unleash them on the bureaucracies that have turned against our exposed (in more ways than one) fashion victims. Let’s embark on a clever ad campaign showing how sagging does not cause cancer. Let’s sell evocative buttons and t-shirts and get the public on our side.

It can be done. We can be that hurled stone that starts the ripples in the water. And while we’re at it, maybe we can suggest a few other laws that our elected officials can think about. Like improving our schools, nursing our wounded economy, or abolishing those weird and annoying grillz you see these days.