LONG DISTANCE LOVE What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear
the word "vacation"? Most people think, "escape from reality". You pack your bags, fly off to an exotic locale, and return two weeks later with glorious memories and a handful of unmailed postcards. But what if, somewhere between arrival and departure, something wonderful happens: you fall in love? I'm not talking about your typical shallow vacation infatuation. I'm talking earth-shattering, soul-defying, body-convulsing love. The kind of encounter that sends your whole world into a tailspin. Do you take a chance? Just how far would you go to live out a love story? In my case, it was about 7000 miles. Over two years ago, when I was living in New York City, a friend and I decided to travel to a remote area of Brazil. After two flights and six hours on a rickety bus, we eventually arrived at a lake in the middle of a forest, where there lived an Italian artist-cum-chef-cum-political activist who owned an organic restaurant and hotel. My friend had been going to his place for years. "You both speak Italian," my friend told me. "You'll get along famously." Federico came into town to pick us up. Tired and irritated I stumbled off the bus to find a man with the sweetest eyes I'd ever seen and a face like the moon: bright and full. He was so shy and I was so tired that we didn't really speak until the next day at breakfast, and then again at lunch, and then again at every moment when we could make it look casual and unsuspecting. I found him fascinating and gentle, romantic - and crazy. I don't think it was until he kissed me, on the fifth day, that I realized I was falling in love. Shit! Shit! Shit! I hadn't come here for this. What to do? On day eight, he offered a solution: Butta via il passaporto. Throw away your passport. Punch on the shoulder, chuckle. "You have got to be kidding. I can't just pretend I don't have a job and an apartment lease and a life back home." Enter my Virgo: "I have to at least go back to New York, say my proper goodbyes, give two weeks notice at work, and sublet my apartment." And that is exactly what I did. When I got home I was ecstatic. But still there was much to consider. What was I risking for this man? What sort of work could I accomplish in Brazil? Could I, a veteran New Yorker, survive without the Sunday Times, bodegas, Thai food? Federico seemed wonderful, but after all, we'd spent our days basking in new love's afterglow. What would daily life be like? I was freaking out. I reasoned myself back from the edge. First, I told myself, I wasn't going for him, I was going for me. And second, this was on track. In fact, the track is wherever I go, right? Plus, I was already thinking of going back to school - I could finalize my applications in Brazil. Federico could support me financially for the time being. With an internet connection I could continue to work freelance. But what about the rest? I wasn't sure. I knew something very real had happened to me in Brazil. And the change was obvious to everyone: I started wearing pink every day, showing up late, I was forgetful and smiled constantly. I was happy. After talking it through with myself, my mother, my best girlfriends, and anyone else who'd listen, I decided to trust my instincts. You know in your gut when you've met a keeper. So I decided to go. It is the most empowering moment in the world when you decide to hinge life-changes on simple intuition. It means you are free, in control, and willing to take responsibility and risks. The easy decisions are the ones between an obvious positive and a negative. Try choosing between two evils or two unknowns, or between love and home. Now we're talking. So I moved to Brazil. Within two months I knew for certain that Federico and I could share great things. And we're still together. I look back and realize that that year in Brazil had its trying moments, such as the time the electricity went out a day before a magazine deadline ("What do you mean I lost my 5000 word story and the local technician is in Rio for Carnival until next month!") But I learned that love is worth fighting - and moving - for. I also learned to enjoy the Time's online format, I established sign-language-level deep relationships with local shop owners. And learned to make a mean Pad Thai at home. |
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